Here is the next installment of Classified, filled with Drudgery and Dimwittedness. The story just gets more and more exciting.
Refer to chapter 1 for an explanation on why this story is silly and juvenile. For the previous installments of this saga:
Chapter 4 – To be spiffy is to be good
I got some highly caffinated coffee and got dressed. I had to find out where Eddie was. When I got down to the lobby I asked if there were any messages for Drudge. The lady said no, and I was out the door. I wished that I had my spiffy gadgets car with me because at the moment I was lost. Suddenly, I spotted Crazy Dog’s car. The car was surrounded by men with cell phones and spiffy suits. My guess was that they were the FBI. I walked up to them.
“So where are you taking the old man?” I asked, trying to act nonchalant.
“To Altacraz; he belongs there.” said one of them. I looked at them suspiciously.
“You know that there are other things that you can be doing… like getting a doughnut,” I said grinning at them. I don’t know why, but I just felt like I had to get to crazy dog’s car.
“ha ha! You don’t think we’d fall for that one do you?” said on of the spiffy guys. I was getting annoyed with their stupid spiffy remarks, their stupid, undeniable, remarkable, unbearable resemblance to each other that…
Suddenly I was interrupted by a familiar voice. “Drudge!” Someone from behind me ran up. I whipped around and saw Eddie running towards me. He ran up beside me, out of breath. “Guys… he’s…. with me.” Each word out of his mouth followed by gasping breaths. He turned towards me and straightened up. “He’s our new detective, perfect for the job.”
I wrinkled my forehead and turned back to the spiffy dudes. I decided that it would be best to try and keep my mouth shut.
“Thank goodness you cauth up with this man, we were about to arrest him for asking too many questions,” said one spiffy dude. “My name is Pops Maloney. I’m from the S.D.I.” He whipped out a professional looking I.D. card. He was about to say something but I interrupted him.
“Excuse me for being inquiry-like and such, but what is S.D.I.?”
“It stands for Spiffy Department of Investigation.” He said it like ‘I’m a part of it and you aren’t’. I didn’t like it one bit, but I pushed it aside.
“Let me see the car,” I said to Pops. I opened it up and stepped in. There were roll bars galore. It was a reinforced frame with the engine crammed into the dashboard so that it didn’t get smashed. “This was built by a genius who probably new Crazy Dog too well,” I said glancing at the handy work. A spiffy dude crouched and looked in.
“This was made by Crazy Dog,” he said very quietly. I found nothing in the car except for a vial with an odd colored liquid in it. We decided to study it back in Eddie’s lab, which would allow me to meet Dimwit.
When we got there–after some strenuous back seat driving from mister spiffy himself, who had to bring all of his one-hundred S.D.I. officers with him for argument of security and… other reasons. Dimwit ran out to meet us. He was kind of skinny and he was wearing dog tags. He had an expression of confusion on his face. You wouldn’t think that at first glance, but he really does. He had a pair of green sunglasses on.
“Woah! It’s the spiffy dudes!” he said as we climbed out of the vehicle. When I stepped out, he jumped back. “Woah! You’re new!” he said in amazement. I stood there trying to find his eyes through the plastic lenses of his glasses. Suddenly, Eddie came running around the side of the car and put his hand on Dimwit’s chest to hold him back.
“First off, this is a humanoid and he is not an enemy,” he motioned towards me, “and second of all he has a reason factor of 100%, a memory factor of about 95%, and a knowledge factor of about 100% in mechanics.” Dimwit eyed me over as he was computing all of the information.
“Woah! That’s cool, Drudge humanoid has cool reasoning factor. Dimwit thinks Drudge humanoid is cool,” Dimwit said in an enthusiastic tone. Eddie slowly took his hand off and walked towards the group of spiffies gathering at the front of The Dock.
