Brain of Dane

Refer to chapter 1 for an explanation on why this story is silly and juvenile.  For the previous installments of this saga:

 

• Classified: Chapter 1
• Classified: Chapter 2

 

Before your attention wanes, here is the next installment of Classified.  Possibly one of the most entertaining chapters yet!

Chapter 3 – Thenetherworland

“You mean I was flung through some vortex do-hickey and into a completely different world?” I was yelling at the top of my lungs while we were elevated to street level.  We stepped off and opened the door.

“I wouldn’t say that it was completely different.” he grinned and held his hand out, gesturing for me to enter the restaurant.  We walked towards the bartender.

“I see that you have found our superhero.” the bartender said smiling at me.

“What? AM I supposed to be a super hero now?” Eddie went and sat down at a stool.

“He’s a bit steamed too!” he said glancing at me.  I had nothing to say, I just stood there with my arms folded.  My foot was tapping like crazy.

“Well, that’s nothing that a little bit of Sissimmippi blizzard can’t cure.”  He went to a cupboard and pulled out a cup and poured some blue liquid into it.  I sat down next to Eddie and grabbed the straw.  ”You had better drink up and be happy, because this costs a mint and it’s on the house.” the bartender said.  When I was finished I got up.

“What’s in that?  It was good.” I said trying to keep my balance.

“You could say it was sarsaparilla.” the bartender said, “it’s just a bit stronger than usual.”

Later that night, we checked into a Rriamots Hotel.  ”Sorry I was so mad at you today.” I said as I took off my shoes and banana holster.

“I understand.” he said pulling his out.

“You mean you use the real thing?” I said plopping onto the freshly made bed and pulling my watch off.

“No I don’t, there’s a story behind that, but we must sleep now.  I’ll tell you tomorrow.”  With that he turned off his light and we went to sleep.

The next morning was a glorious morning.  The birds were chirping, and I went to the window to slide it open.  The homeless people were playing laser tag with some old flashlights out in the street.  One of them pointed his flashlight at another.

“I got you!”

“Not you didn’t!”

“Did too, Danger Magnet, I saw it shining on you!”

“That was the glare from the car, you idiot!” another one yelled.  Suddenly an old man in a car came down the street at 60 miles per hour, he must’ve had a rock on the gas pedal because he was sitting on the roof with his feet through the sunroof screaming at the top of his lungs and laughing hysterically.

The homeless people jumped out of the way as he came through.  All but one.  Danger Magnet.

THUMP!!!

The old man jumped just before impact and the car threw Danger Magnet about 20 feet before swerving and plowing through a building.  I looked back to the old man as the homeless people came and started yelling at him.  “Crazy dog!  We told you not to do that until we were sure the person–in this case our old buddy Danger Magnet–had been tagged.”  Crazy Dog just looked at his shoes and then looked over at Danger Magnet who was dragging himself towards the group.  Everyone noticed him and ran to his side including Crazy Dog.  They started to nurse him and ask him if he was okay, but instead of asking if he was alright, Crazy Dog snagged the flashlight and ran into the building where his car was.

A couple of seconds later, the base of the building burst into flames and the building collapsed.  I watched as the building crumbled into a pile of glass and steel.  In the middle of the rubble I saw some movement.  Crazy Dog’s car came careening out of the flames and headed straight towards all of the homeless guys.  They all jumped out of the way.

All except for Danger Magnet.

He helplessly stared at the bumper barreling towards him.  It smashed into him and dragged him through the building directly behind him.  Crazy Dog jumped out of the flames and started howling with delight.

I don’t know how, but this car had somehow reached the twentieth floor.  It ramped out the window and landed directly on top of Crazy Dog.  I had to tear myself away from the window, but the last I saw of Crazy Dog, he was fighting off the paramedics with the old flashlight.  He was in perfect condition.  He happened to knock a couple of paramedics out and they had to bring in the swat time.  While this was happening I decided to see what Eddie was doing but when I turned around he was gone and so was his stuff!